What’s it been, nearly a year now? And Microsoft still hasn’t gotten the hang of how to produce an effective commercial to drive people to their products.

Let’s start with the “Click” ads. Apparently, the Microsoft Surface made a much more distinctive click sound with its cover than the iPad made with the Smart Cover. The result? Several commercials of college students sitting outside clicking their keyboards onto their Surface screens to the beat of a generic “youthful” soundtrack. Well, that covers the youth angle. Now, onto the Microsoft Surface Pro/business market.

Here, we’re subjected to a business meeting that turns into a rejected piece of choreography from “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.” Employees break into jubilant dancing at the prospect of being able to use their shiny, lemony-scented Surface Pro tablets. Check appealing to the business market off the list.

The only problem was that none of these ads provided the trajectory in sales that Microsoft had sought. So, it’s time to engage the old Barnum proverb: “No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.”

That brings us to Microsoft’s latest entry. Two major league baseball scouts are watching a young pitcher show off his stuff. One scout has a Surface tablet, the other an iPad. Both are connected to the home office to report their impressions of the burgeoning prospect.

The scout with the Surface tablet quickly responds to his boss (on a video stream) with the pitcher’s statistics from the past year. This purportedly demonstrates Surface’s multitasking superiority.

Meanwhile, our befuddled iPad user can’t navigate his stream and database in a timely fashion, thereby losing the opportunity to sign the young phenom to an exorbitant contract. Apparently, iPads are extremely difficult to accomplish any real productive results on.

Hey, Bonehead! Here’s an idea! Call up the database on Numbers or Safari. Then connect the video stream with your boss. Then easily navigate between the two with a four finger gesture from the bottom of the screen! Obviously not a rocket scientist.

The Barnum adage may actually be Microsoft’s best hope. Witness how many “experts” bought into the ‘Apple is imploding’ argument! And here we have someone so dumb that they can’t manage the concept of a four finger gesture. iPad users must be idiots!

I have a gesture for Microsoft. It involves one finger. Even they should be able to manage that! Oh wait a tick … I forgot about Ballmer …
©2013 Frank Petrie