Since the release of the MacBook Pro 16”, over the weeks I have read various articles and watched countless unboxings on YouTube. Many people laud Apple for finally responding to their wishes, yet remain upset at what they consider obvious oversights.

Weight

An extra .28 lbs., 4.3 pounds in total. Yes, that’s a little over 25% than its predecessor. I can safely say that if you walk out of Whole Foods with a single bag of groceries, it weighs a good deal more.

But you may be correct. The thought of injuring yourself over schlepping the additional weight equivalent to a loaf of bread is boggling! How could this have possibly slipped passed the engineers? They neglected to pass this by the legal department. They could conceivably expose themselves to many potential lawsuits!

Size

Width – .86 cm/.34” wider.

Depth – .52 cm/.2” deeper. 

Height – .07 cm /0.03” inch.

We can put into focus these enormous dimensions comparatively.

A worker bee is about 1 centimeter in size. (Oh, but that stings.)

Design

No change. What kind of change are you looking for? Is it function follows form or form follows function? If it’s the previous, that’s precisely what angered the loyal base. That’s why we’re celebrating the MBP 16”, the scissor keyboard, the separate Escape Key, et al. Are you buying it to accomplish your tasks faster or make a social statement?

Legacy

It probably does but the new MacBook Pro might not fit your existing 15” MacBook Pro sleeve. If I understand the gist correctly, the complaint is that some might spend around up to $100 for a new sleeve to protect your new, minimally priced $2,400 laptop? I’d love to watch you balance a checkbook.

If you’re overwrought regarding any of these issues, I’ll gladly take the laptop off of your hands. It pains me to know you may suffer the stigma of being seen in public with such an abomination and how it reflects upon you. No matter the pain, I’ll sacrifice myself and take the hit for you.

No need to thank me. Oh and have you a Tesla keeping you up nights? If I see one more demonstration of iOS 13 beta on YouTube with a Tesla app on its homepage I’m going to go spare.