Wanted: AAPL Analyst

Baseless Analytics has an immediate position available for an Apple, Inc. market analyst.

The. Ideal candidate should possess the following qualifications:

    – No knowledge of the stock market, whatsoever
    – No understanding of Apple’s past or present business strategies
    – Must be proficient in Excel
    – Currently employed by Samsunge
    – A ‘chicken-little’ attitude concerning earnings reports
    – A complete lack of math skills
    – No sense of reasoning
    – An ability to create baseless paranoia
    – The ability to mindlessly parrot other analysts
    – Excel at plagiarism

The qualified candidate will possess an autographed picture of Steve Balmer and a delusional sense of reality.

Please submit all resumes to:

Baseless Analytics
123 Haven’t-A-Clue
Oz

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About ympnow

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